A little girl’s first love…

Four boys deep, with only hope inside that one day, God will gift him a little girl.  The story goes  he made promises to God and one of the virgins that if they gave him a little girl he would do XYZ.  One of these promises which will be with me for the rest of my life; My middle name is the virgin’s name. The day I was born was one of the happiest days of his life. People tell me how he spent hours watching me through the glass in the nursery where all the babies were kept back then. I imagine if I was crying with any discomfort his energy and love were so strong, it would smoothly sail through that glass and sooth me without a touch.

I was his girl. He was the first man I loved. We were inseparable. I remember how much I loved waiting for him at lunch time so I could scratch his head as he took his “siesta”. I loved shining his shoes so he could go back to work looking handsome. He is so handsome.  I could do no wrong, he could do no wrong. We made each other stronger. Every decision I made as a child, adolescent, young adult, and as an adult always had him in mind. I know it was the same for him. I am so thankful to God for choosing him as my dad. As cliché as it may sound, I am who I am today because of his love and what he taught me, not by words, but with actions.

It was the end of April; the day was beautiful it must have been 75 degrees.  The sunlight made my room feel so nice and warm. Yet, I woke up feeling uneasy. I got a text from my brother. “Papa just died”.  He had been sick for seven months, we all knew it was coming and still, It was a Surreal shock. I stared at that text for what seemed like hours. I felt nothing inside…My kids came to the room and without asking what was wrong gave me a hug, I guess it showed in my face. I remember, not reacting to it.  It was as though the self I knew I was before then was gone and replaced with another. I kept thinking…we still had so much to do. We had so many plans, this is not real.  The day he moved on, so did part of my soul.  I was not ready to let him go; I am sure he wasn’t ready either.

It has been six years and I still feel like calling him. The best dreams these days are when he visits me, when I can feel his hugs, hear his voice and hear him laugh once again. We share stories as we used to do. I love those dreams, it makes my day extra special.  These dreams  carry me through; I am still working on accepting he is gone. I am very thankful for the wonderful memories we shared but I would rather have him here with me.

I leave you with some of the memories captured physically which I am VERY thankful to have.

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Christmas in NYC_NJ_0510navidad_90_papi and usDR_04 Papi_josh_I

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Hello 43!! – Thank you for being so awesome 42!

The 40’s.. I remember growing up hearing women around me talking about the 40’s as if reaching it was going to be the end of their world.   I was so scared of reaching 40, I seriously thought I was going to die at 39; of a heart attack nonetheless!   Then, I turned 40 and I woke up with my little one hugging me, breakfast in bed with soggy cereal and I saw her smile and I felt my smile. Oh my gosh! I made it! was the thought in my mind.

The 40’s are AMAZING! I have really enjoyed turning older every year since I was a little girl. Dancing, parties, cake, it was great. However, nothing beats the feeling of the wisdom that comes from being older, the confidence, the way my perspective changes for the better and beliefs strengthen. I can truly admire how I take care and keep taking care of the blessings God has sent my way.  I feel very strongly about the fact that I can admire it even more now because I am older.

So I think, If being older brings this sense of peace, admiration, security, and happiness to my life I look forward to my 50’s and 60’s and oh wow, imagine the 70’s and 80’s? Goodness wow!  For now, I will keep enjoying every single year, every new experience and myself. There is a lot of greatness in store for me:

Today is my last day as a 42’er and here are some silly things I learned that make me smile and laugh at myself because it was such a wow moment for me.

– I learned that sometimes one has to go “Clinical Strength”  I LOVE the style of some synthetic fabric, but it doesn’t love me; it gives me the worst BO EVER! One day,  I am not sure how in the world it happen, I picked up a deodorant that would supposedly form a barrier between the skin and the fabric. I tried it.. and WOW… oh my gosh!! I was dancing, lifting my arms, IT worked!!! I don’t even want to look at the ingredients in that deodorant – it is probably so harsh! so I made it a point to just wear that fabric once or twice a month.

– The second silly but awesome thing I learned- I LOVE  to feel my feet soft when I am going to bed. So I am always moisturizing, but for some reason, this crazy winter, my feet would not stay moisturized so I kept waking up in the middle of the night to dry feet–the worst! One day, when I went to bath & body, I was not even looking for a foot cream. The girl goes, ” …. and we also have a special on foot spa products” DING! I  asked her what she would recommend for my situ. she recommended a scrub and a lotion. It took one day! The next night, my feet were SOOOOOO soft… oh my gosh!!

So yea, at 42, I was able to wear synthetic fabric and keep my feet soft. amongst other amazing personal lessons.

I leave you with a cute and fun photo shoot I did of myself, celebrating 42.

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annie gil-taylor-0133EThanks for reading,

Love,

ana